VOL. XXXII,
■a&'S97 4
INDIANAPOLIS. IND.. AUG.  14, 1897.
NO. 33
EXPERIENCE DEPARTMENT
How One May Prepare a Mussy,
Greasy Sinner.
1st Premium,—First as to the "muss."
Have several dishes of various sauoes
or preserves whioh do duty day after
day, three times eaoh day, as "some
thing to fill up the table." Let these be
seton a sullicient number of times, so
that by exposure to the air a little crust
will bs formed around the edges of the
dishes.
Often leave a spoon In the dish so that
a little of the contents will be pressed up
on the sides of the dish, and the spoon
handle with its stickiness add to the
"mnssiness."
Have a can or other receptaole for molasses on which sugar may form or molasses dry in little inornstatlons.
Bs sure to have a sugar bowl somewhat
smeared Inside and ont from being used
not only on the table, bnt at the pie baking. A little colored berry Juice on tbe
sides of the bowl will aid in this effeot
Sao that the water and milk pitohers are
not too often washed,too carefully and too
f re quently cleaned. Special pain s shonld
be given to negloot the wat3r pitcher if
the water used has in it any discoloring
mineral matter.
See that the glass ware is wiped with a
"linty" or otherwise unsuitable oloth for
polishing, glass.
B) careful that the salt and pepper boxes bear the marks of repeated
handlings, and so on ad infinitum and ad-
nauseum.
Above all be careful that the tablecloth ls stained with tea, coffee berries,
gravy spots and molasses, unless a dark
colored oil cloth is used, then only stickiness is necessary.
S jt the various articles on the table in
the most promiscuous manner possible.
Now for grease. Whatever ls fried be
sure you put it into cool grease and have
an abundance of it. Duringthe cooking
let the grease be but moderately warm;
never really hot. For most articles of
food an occasional stirring is absolutely
necessary that every part of the food,
fried potatoes, mush or whatever It may
be, may bo thoroughly greased. Be very
careful in thla process not to let tho
firo be hot. Tne articles would then perhaps bo browned nicely, and not suffl
ciently greased.
For focd that ls boiled, take oabbage,
greens, string beens, dry beans, or
anything that is "seasoned" with
meat. Put them to cook in good season, let them boil awhile, put Into the
kettle a piece of meat as large as the
heart in members ot the family can eat
in several days, let the whole boll together until green vegetables are reduced to
a sort of slippery mass, looking as though
preparation was being made for paper
making of some sort of vegetable pulp.
For potatoes the result may be obtalned>
equally well by putting some of them in
the boiling kettl6 wtth the other vegetables or by boiling them in water, then
put them Into an oven pan and pnt some
of the greasy water of the other boiling
over them. Set them in the oven. In
this case also be cantious with the fire.
D_ not let lt brown the potatoes. Stir occasionally.
IS9 careful ln taking np all these vegetables to drip a Uttle on the sides of the
dishes, or on the table oloth, and altogether thore will be a marked degree of
mnssiness and greaslness. C.
2_ Premium —The first thing necessary
is to secure either a careless or an ignorant cook. The ignorant one would succeed oftenest perhaps, as she would
soldom fail with fat meats and poultry
leaving all the fat on. cooking until quite
soft and oily, and sending to the table
swimming in its grease, instead of removing from the fire when properly done,
carefully dipping the grease c ff, or lifting
the meat out. In addition to overcooking
the meat, potatoes or other vegetables
may be added, and these too cooked until
of a mushy oonslstonoy, then poured into
a deep dish brim full and taken to the
table, meat, potatoes and grease an indistinguishable, and almost Indigestible
mass. Some otherwise neat and careful
cooks have a habit of filling coffee cups
slopping fnll, so it ls impossible to lift
them to the lips without the coffee dripping over the cloth. This gives the cloth
a very untidy appearance the first time
it is used. Also dishes which are filled
too full of sauces, or, if eaoh Individual
using from them, sorapes the contents on
the margin of the dish, often causing it
to rnn down outside, on to the cloth, this
gives the table and tho dishes of sauce a
very mussy appearance. If each person
indulges in piling bread orumbs, bones,
potato peelings, eto , aronnd their plates
it adds greatly to the general untidy
effeot. These and many similar things
are caused by thoughtlessness, and al
most every person would gladly abandon
suoh habits if their attention was but
kindly called to the improved appearance
a radical change would bring about.
A long time ago, I don't suppose any
one would do so nowadays, we made a return visit after muoh solicitation. It was
Sunday and the family lived so far from
chnrch they seldom attended. Soon after
our arrival, the cloth, not over.clean, was
spread for dinner. It was put on awry
the plates laid, and a glass of milk placed|
by each plate. As it was mid-summer,
(and this is no fanoy sketch, but a bit of
experienoe, long before screen-doors were
ever thought of,) you oan imagine how
this sharpened our appetite, but as the
two of us sup only cold water, there was
enongh left for all. Dried peaohes were
then put on to stew, and in process of
time, ham was cut and put on ln a cold
skillet and allowed to heat and cook
slowly until it was soft and oily, and pronounced done, instead of being nicely
browned on both sides. A large, dark,
grease-sodden dish was produced, already
half full of cold meat and grease, and
plaoed on the table, and the contents of
the skillet poured into it, making in all
over a gallon ot meat and grease. The
meat would have floated but that it had
already absorbed all It could hold.
Some people appear to best advantage
away from home, I hope we did tbat Sunday, for sure I never felt more the need
of saving grease. I had heard the cook
make the remark that pie crnst could not
be too rich for her, she did not care if it
was made np with lard, and we had an
opportunity of sampling it. Both crests
were rolled very thiok, the nnder one not
browned in the least, the apples were cut
in large, thick pieces and piled unevenly
but liberally between, not sweetened and
not cooked soft, but with plenty of wator,
so the compound was quite Insipid, notwithstanding the liberal dose of lard. I
do not remember all the accompanying
dishes, bnt apple bntter and molasses
were some of the Inevitables,and had tho
advantage of being always ready, three
times a day.
The deooratlons of the flies and dried
sweets (?) around the margins of these
dishes were rivals both in antiquity and
artistlo design, and Iwere sufficient guar
antee against molestation during the one
meal at least But as they were "only
put on to help fill np," it did not matte^
as it was considered necessary that the
spread should bo quite crowded as an evidence of good taste and high living.
After much ado and many apologies
dinner was announced, which was the
signal for a general scramble by the
ohildren for a place at table, as there
were not seats for all. The largest had
the preference from force of circumstances. After mnch snuflllng a compromise was effeoted, and the others were
given a plate of grease between their
feet on the floor, where they were  soon
joined ln their repast by the family cat.
A woman with whom we onoe boarded
made excellent salt rising bread almost
every day, but failing in tbis sho made
biscuits, using some milk acd lard, halt
and half,meltlng them together. It fell
to my lot one day to get dinner and I
made the biscuits to light, white and yet
tender I thought to give them a surprise'
but the hutbind told me emphatically
that "whon he had bread he wanted
bread, and when he had biscuit he wanted
blsouit." Another neighbor who oooked
most things fairly well, Insisted on having her blsouits and all kinds of cake a
golden yellow with salaratus. Said sho
might as well not have that kind, it not
thus yellow. Verity, tastes do differ.
Aunt Dinah.
3d Premium.—To prepare a greasy, unwholesome dinner, we will begin by putting the string-beans to cook in an iron
stewkettle, with a big ohunk of bacon, or
side meat, and let it boll and bubble two
or three hours, adding more water If neo-
essary. Finally dishing them up for the
table with nothing but the strong greasy
water for seasoning. We pare and slice
the potatoes, have the frying pan ready
with plenty of hot lard or perhaps meat
fry irigs that have been kept ln an oyster
can without a lid. Drop the sliced potatoes Into this smoking grease and fry for
nearly an hour, or until the balance of
the meal is ready.
We cut up the cabbage and put it to
oook in an Iron stew kettle with a generous amount of lard or meat frylngs, and
some water. We let it oook rapidly a
half hour or so when it is ready for the
table. If there is rioe or hominy grits,
or oat meal, left from breakfast, we make
it into balls, roll them in flonr, and place
them in frying pan of hot lard or grease
almost enongh to half cover them, and
fry them a long time nntil they are nice
and brown, and soaked fnll of grease.
We fry the ham long and hard until it
smokes, turns black, and floats In grease,
then we pour some milk and water Into
this seething, burning mass, and have
some ham and sop.
We slice and fry the apples in hot lard
until they are nice and brown. If we
have nice ripe fruits and berries we put
them to stew ln twice as much sweetening as thoy need and stew them a long
time, until we happen to get ready or
have time to take them off the stove, for
the more cooking the better to destroy
the natnral flavor and digestibility of the
fruit.
If we want greasy, heavy biscuits we
take a pan of flour and dig a hole in the
center of it, Into this we put soda, salt
buttermilk, and plenty of lard to make
them greasy. Mix this up, leave lt thick,
cut out and bake a long time in any temperature the oven happens to be.
Coffee to match this dinner can be
made by setting the coffee pot on the
stove with the coffee In it thathappens to
be left from breakfast Pay no more attention to it but let it bubble and boll
until we find time to add some more
ground coffee. Lit thi. boil again until
the meal ls ready, when we fill lt up from
the tea kettle of water (dregs) that has
been boiling all the forenoon. Now
when we sit down to table we have a
"greasy, mussy dinner.
Aylesworth. Mary D. Brown.
The preparation of a mussy, greasy
dinner would be a hard Job for some
cooks to do, although some don'* prepare
any other kind, but when such a meal is
prepared I would prefer being absent
when eating time wonld come.
There wonld be a grand difference in
opinion of people as to the greasy,
mussy dinner, while some people would
think it such a meal, others wonld think
it a very good meal where they are used
to that kind all the time.
To my opinion In the preparing of suoh
a meal the lirst thing would be to have
oold soda biscuits, cold potatoes fried
over, some beans loft over from tbe day
before set out with the cold grease on
them.
Other vegetables served In tho same
manner, If there bo any more; but such
meals generally oonsist of a fow dishes I
believe.
Then to give the whole affair a general mussy look put tbe vegetables ln
broken and oraoked dishes with a spoon
in them with apiece broken out, or the
handle partly broken off.
And finished up by sotting the tablo on
a greasy, colled oil cloth instead of a nice
clean tablo cloth, with knives with part
of tho handles gone and forks with some
of tho tines broken.
With a rusty tin cup of pond water set
by eaoh member's plate to drink as he
eati, that would melt tho cold grease and
make suoh a meal go down slick, but I
don't wish to try it, but havo heard of
suoh meals. A, B C.
Corydon.
If you want a mussy greasy dinner to
perfection hire a girl to preparo lt and
don't let your wife In the kitchen till It ls
ready. J. F.
To begin a mussy dinner, 1 will have
cold boiled potatoes enough loft from
breakfast to slice and fry In lard for dinner. Tho breakfastdishes may bo stacked
upon the tablo and not washed. 1 would
have a dirty, greasy oilcloth on tho table
for a table cloth and coffee must also be
prepared and a little sour cream to flavor
lt with and tho looks of it will turn a
dog's stomach. Somo hard, burnt biscuits and some strong butter to grease
them with and to mako them go down
slick may taste well to a starved person,
although tho butter may have wool upon
it as though it had been wrapped ln a
blanket to keep it cool. Don't sweep the
kltcken for a day or two, and lot the dogs
and cats in to eat with you. If you find a
fly or two and a hair occasionally ln your
dinner your food will nodoubtdlgest woll
so tho ccok need never comb her hair. If
the editor of this department will stop at
our house for dinner some day he will
never have reason to ask another sneh
a question as this. B, B.
REVIEW.
One may go on a journey 10 times ayear
or to church 50 times. Bat ho goes to the
table over 1000 times.
This subject is divided into two topics,
beoause like our other sins those who got
mosiy dinners don't know It and we
must flrst club out tho Idol, thon replace
lt with a better. You can mako a woman
mad quicker to tell her that sho makes
pasty, greasy butter, than to tell hor that
she has an ugly baby.   So with dinner.
A lightningrod peddler run onto one of
those big dishes brim full of greasy sop
with a fow dumplings swimming around
ln it and ho didn't know what to say, but
said, "Wy—ah—Mrs. W — how muoh you
farmers have to eat ah—I am ao sorry to
—ah—see you go to so much trouble." Ho
was like a young gentleman who met a
vory, vory homely yonng woman, and on
being asked how he liked her, he said,
"Sho was as pretty as Bhe could bo."
The man mentioned by Aunt Dinah
didn't know what soda ls put in biscuit
for. It meets the aold of the sour milk
and together they form a gas whioh lightens the biscuit. The acid should use up
all the soda and not leavo any to color the
bread. The soda left will kill the acid of
the stomaoh that digests food and thus
prevent digestion.
Mrs. B. objects to lard too hot and to
well browned dishes. Possibly she
means burned. Do not things fry better,
Mrs. B , in lots of lard and very hot and
are they not better browned?
Continued an 13th page.