HE-169
Helping Children Overcome Fears
by Jan E. Allen,
Graduate Instructor,
Child Development and Family Sciences
Reviewed by Judith A. Myers-Walls, Extension Specialist, Human Development
On certain nights
When everyone’s cozy and sleeping,
All of a sudden I hear a thing in the yard.
And you know what it says as it oooooooozes along?
It says, “Nick, I am coming to get you. ”

-From Judith Viorst’s My Mama Says There Aren’t Any Zombies, Ghosts, Vampires, Creatures, Demons, Monsters, Fiends, Goblins, or Things, Atheneum, 1973.
All of us, even as adults, have been frightened —of snakes, spiders, strange noises, dark rooms, or death. Many of our fears are common; as adults we can easily handle or forget them. But children are not like adults:
....they cannot always distinguish fantasy from reality,
....they do not have mature reasoning skills,
....they confuse animate (living) and inanimate (nonliving) objects,
....and they have not had many opportunities to cope with fears.

However, you can help your child overcome fears. By talking about fears at your child’s level of understanding you can be an invaluable source of information and comfort. Openly discussing fears will reassure your child that having fears is a very normal part of growing up.

In this publication, you will discover how children’s fears develop from birth through the preschool years and how to recognize these fears. You will also learn ways to help your child express, understand, and overcome fears. Finally, you will find two lists of books, one for parents and one for children, which will help your family understand and respond to children’s fears.

The Development of Fears in Children
Fears in childhood are normal; many are even helpful. You want your child to develop a healthy fear—or at least caution—of strangers, sharp knives, and busy highways. But you also want to help your
child overcome fears of irrational or unrealistic dangers.
How can you distinguish between normal fears that almost all children experience and irrational or persistent fears that may inhibit a child’s growth toward independence? And what can you do to help your child overcome these fears?

Most childhood fears are either fears that are present at birth, developmental fears that appear at certain ages, or fears learned from parents or traumatic experiences. The first two categories of fears usually follow a general pattern that begins at birth. Not all children exhibit all of the fears mentioned below, nor do they occur at the same ages for all children. But understanding the general pattern of development of children’s fears can be a useful guide to helping children overcome them.

At birth, most infants are afraid of loud noises, sudden movements, and abrupt changes in surroundings. Almost all children grow out of these innate fears as they explore their environment and become more independent. Within the first year, infants develop fears of strangers and of separation. By seven or eight months, a child can distinguish between the familiar and the unfamiliar. For example, a child develops a memory or mental picture of mother, father, and other familiar people. When a familiar person is not present, the child may exhibit anxiety and apprehension. Distressful responses to strangers are very common from seven to fifteen months and may last a year or two.
At about three, children develop symbolic and imagined fears. According to noted psychologist
Cooperative Extension Service • Purdue University • West Lafayette, Indiana