HE-561
communicating about money—
Money is a common problem for the family, regardless of income, age, and education of its members. Sometimes a lack of income to meet basic needs causes the money hassle. But, more often, inadequate communication about money is the root of financial problems.

When family members have different values and attitudes toward spending and saving money, or when families strive for unrealistic goals, there is potential conflict. When family members don't talk things out, even the most workable spending plan may face ruin.

Communication among family members isn't always the easiest thing to do, but it is important if you want to get the most satisfaction from financial resources. Generally, the more open the communication about family finances, the better the quality of those decisions.
Communication Guidelines
Preventing and overcoming money problems takes honest and candid communication. It also takes time and effort. Be willing to arrange a specific time when all family members can talk about money. Meet on a regular basis waiting until problems occur. Choose a location where you won’t be inerrupted.

Here are some suggestions for increasing the quality of communication about money matters in your family:
Recognize that whoever earns the money doesn’t also earn the right to dictate how it should be spent. Family
members, including children old enough to understand, need to make decisions about money as a team. Allow everyone to have input in financial decisions. Family members will be more satisfied with decisions if they helped to make them.
•	Clearly identify the issue at hand. Don’t drag other points into the discussion that don’t address the problem, concern, or dissatisfaction. Is the problem one of spending too much money, spending it at the wrong time, or spending it on something you consider unnecessary or unimportant?
•	Let each family member freely state his or her wants, needs, and personal feelings. Avoid judging or criticizing others. Encourage communication beginning with “I think" or “I feel." Talk about the present. Avoid phrases such as "you always” and “you never."
•Listen carefully to the other person. Respond to statements by others with some indication that you understand. Or ask questions until you do understand.
•	Be willing to negotiate for a realistic settlement of differences. In many cases, family members must compromise. Making a contract or written agreement may help avoid misunderstandings.
Values Affect Decisions
One place to start communicating about money is by identifying personal values. Values represent those qualities, situations, and material things an individual cherishes most.
Values are a product of your past experiences, present situation, and expectations for the future. Some values and attitudes toward money can be traced to childhood. What were your parents’ attitudes toward money, use of credit, or “keeping up with the Joneses?" Was money a constant point of conflict—or perhaps a subject that was never discussed openly?
Values guide decisions. How you use time and how you spend money reflect your values. Also, the goals you establish mirror what you have chosen as important things in life.
Answering these questions may help you identify some of your values:
Family: Do you want to have children? If so, how many? What type of life style would satisfy you most? Are you prepared for the financial responsibilities of a family?
Work: Are you satisfied with your job?
Do you make as much money as you’d like? How do you feel about both husband and wife working outside the home? Are you willing to move for job advancements?
Home: Do you want to rent or own a home? Can you afford to furnish your own home as you would like?
Transportation: Could you get along with only one car? Would you be willing to drive less? Would you be willing to join a carpool? Would you be satisfied with a smaller car?
Reprinted from a publication prepared by Cynthia Needles Fletcher, Family Environment Specialist; Ron Jones, Family Environment and Jana Schuchardt, Communication Specialist, Home Economics, Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa.

Selected for reprint in lndiana by the 1985 Budget Planning Committee consisting of Janet VeZolles, Evelyn Adams, and Juanita Rodrick, Extension Agents.
Cooperative Extension Service • Purdue University • West Lafayette, Indiana