HE-174
Father’s Care
Involvement, influence and affection: three keys to father-child relationships.
Though they may sometimes find it difficult to express their feelings, most fathers care about their children and families.
In a 1980 Gallup poll, six out of ten fathers said their families were “the most important element of my life at this time.” Only 8 percent said their families were unimportant to them. When asked what they found most satisfying about their families, fathers rated “children,” “closeness, and being together” as personally important. 1

This hearty endorsement of family life contradicts some of the traditional roles or popular images of fathers in our society:

The Wallet: This father is preoccupied with providing financial support for his family. He may work long hours to bring home his paycheck and does not take an active part in caring for the children. Making money provides this father with a distraction from family involvement.

The Rock: This is a “tough” father-strict on discipline and in charge of the family. He may also believe that a good father remains emotionally distant from his children, so expressions of affection are taboo.

The Dagwood Bumstead: This father tries to be a “real pal” to his children, but his efforts are often clumsy or extreme. He doesn't understand his children and feels confused about what to do. He may also feel that he is not respected within the family.

These traditional stereotypes are now clashing with another image of a father:

The Caregiver: This father tries to combine toughness with tenderness. He enjoys his children but is
not afraid to set firm but fair limits. He and his wife may cooperate in childrearing and homemaking.

This type of father has always been around. But the number of men who choose this role is increasing, Many fathers today recognize that family life can be rewarding and that their children need their involvement.

This shift in roles is influenced by two major social changes: the increase in the number of women working and the rising divorce rate. As more and more mothers join the work force, fathers are being asked to take on more responsibilities at home. In 1979, 40 percent of the mothers of children under age 3 were employed. 2 Instead of remaining on the fringe of family life, many fathers are helping more with child care and housekeeping.
Fathers are also profoundly influenced by the escalating divorce rate. 3 For every two marriages there is now one divorce — a tripling of the divorce rate between 1960 and 1980. If they are not directly involved in a divorce, most men have friends who are. They witness the loss their friends have experienced and reexamine the importance of their own family relationships. Remarriage and stepfathering are also creating new challenges for many fathers.
Because of these changes in our society, many men are being forced to develop family relationships that are quite different from those they had with their own fathers. They cannot easily fall back on their own childhood experiences for guidance. What worked very well for their fathers 20 or 10 years ago may not work at all with the kinds of challenges fathers face today.
COOPERATIVE EXTENSION SERVICE • PURDUE UNIVERSITY • WEST LAFAYETTE, INDIANA