4-H 695
Supporting
Distressed Young People
RONALD L. PITZER
Many young people experience high levels of stress. In recent years, research and clinical experience have recognized this. One manifestation of teen stress is depression, now considered a widespread and incapacitating problem among American adolescents.
This fact sheet reviews some ideas and suggestions on communicating with and supporting distressed young people. As used here, stress refers to the body’s physiological reaction to any demand. Distress refers to the reactions when the demand is perceived as a problem or threat. Depression is an emotional state characterized by intense sadness, hopelessness, or despair that results from inability to cope with one’s problems or demands.

Take Them Seriously
A study of some 2,000 Minnesota teen-agers found that when they experience stress or problems, most try to handle it alone or talk with other young people about it. Relatively few, at least as a first reaction, turn to adults for help. One reason is that adults tend to discount or underestimate the significance of young people’s pressure and problems.
All too often, children’s and teens' efforts to communicate intense feelings are minimized, denied, rationalized, or ignored by parents, physicians, school personnel, and other adults. A teen-age girl described the situation this way: “I think the reason so many young people commit suicide is because many of us have problems which are even worse than our parents have. The reason our problems are worse is because we are facing these things for the first time and we don’t know how to handle these situations. When parents or teachers see us in states of depression, they figure we’re just goofing off.” So, in your concern for a young person’s well-being, remember that teens’ problems are as big and important and ominous and thus as stressful to them as yours are to you.
Offer Help Early
Help is essential for young people in the early stages of distress, to prevent them from sinking into deep despair or depression. But, as the previously cited study suggested, teens may not initiate a contact with an adult until a very late stage of distress, if at all. So, if you are aware of a youngster in distress, reach out yourself or arrange for someone else to do so.
Try to find a comfortable, relaxed time and a private place to talk with the youngster. Ask what is wrong in a friendly,
low-key manner, something like, “You haven't seemed like yourself lately. You seem kind of down. Is something bothering you?”
Attention and Encouragement
Young people’s self-esteem is on the line most of the time and its loss is a major source of depression. So providing opportunities for them to regain or boost their self-esteem is important. Ways to do this include: encouragement, showing interest and attention, letting them know you are aware of their strengths and positive behavior, permitting expression of opinion and emotions (including unpleasant ones), avoiding blame and criticism, and being courteous. Such support sometimes can lift a depressed youngster’s spirits.
Don’t Offer False Assurance
Don’t brush off indications of problems or distress by telling the youngster “don’t worry” or “cheer up, everything will be all right” or that he/she “will get over it.” The fact is they probably will. That is good for you to know; it enables you to encourage the youngster. But the “there, there, everything will be all right” approach is not a real help. It may actually be a disservice; everything probably is not all right. The kind of reassurance that teens in distress need is not the suggestion that the crisis will dissolve, but rather your statement of faith that they will be able to work it out. Let them know you are available and would like to work with them in finding a solution.
Encourage Them To Talk It Out
An important way to deal with stress or to work through feelings of loss or sadness is to talk about it with someone —a family member, a close friend, a pastor, or a professional counselor. Denying or ignoring normal feelings of anger, guilt, fear, and sorrow which accompany stress or loss can lead to emotional or physical difficulties. At the very least, it is likely to lead to a breakdown in communication with others, blocking a natural means of recovering from the stress, grief, or change.
Just knowing that someone is aware of the stress, hurt feelings, worries, or difficult decisions and cares can mean a great deal. As someone once said: “A joy shared is doubled; a sorrow shared is halved.” Talking things out helps relieve the tension, helps to see the situation in a clearer light, and often, helps to see what can be done about it.
Purdue University • Cooperative Extension Service • West Lafayette, Indiana